12 Christian Dating Tips: Biblical Wisdom for Choosing Wisely

Most dating advice is about finding someone. Biblical wisdom is more concerned with choosing well, and with becoming the kind of person who honours Christ in every relationship, whether or not you eventually marry.

In more than twenty years as a pastor, I have sat with many single Christians and many couples preparing for marriage. Over the years, I have observed that a promising romantic beginning does not necessarily lead to a strong marriage. What matters more is how couples grow in faith, demonstrate character, make decisions and prepare for life together. In short: the best Christian dating advice is to put Christ first, choose a fellow believer with proven character, go slowly, keep clear boundaries, listen to wise counsel, and be willing to walk away if the relationship is not right.

This guide brings that wisdom together: what the Bible teaches, twelve practical tips, what to look for, how to set boundaries, how to seek God's guidance, and how to know when to move forward or step away.

What Does the Bible Say About Dating?

The Bible does not describe modern dating. In biblical times, marriages were usually arranged or closely guided by families. But Scripture gives clear principles that apply to any relationship that may lead to marriage.

1. Choose a fellow believer. Paul tells Christian widows they are free to remarry, "only in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39, ESV). His immediate subject is a widow's remarriage, but Christians have long understood this, together with the wider biblical teaching on marriage, as the principle that believers should marry fellow believers. (For more, see what "equally yoked" really means.)

2. Pursue sexual purity. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor" (1 Thessalonians 4:3–4, ESV). Paul wrote to new believers in a culture that treated sex casually, calling them to honour God with their bodies.

3. Guard your heart. "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23, ESV). In Proverbs, the heart is the centre of a person's whole inner life: thoughts, desires, choices and loyalties. Guarding it is not only about avoiding heartbreak; it is about keeping the direction of your life pointed towards God.

4. Ask God for wisdom. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him" (James 1:5, ESV). James wrote to believers facing trials and difficult decisions. Few decisions need God's wisdom more than choosing a spouse.

Before You Date: Grow in Christ and Prepare Yourself

Before asking whether someone is the right person for you, consider whether you are growing in the character, faithfulness and maturity that honour Christ. Spiritual growth is not a strategy for becoming more attractive. It is the purpose of the Christian life, and it is valuable whether you eventually marry or remain single.

Paul wrote, "I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content" (Philippians 4:11, ESV). He was writing from prison about God's sufficiency in every circumstance. Contentment is not a formula that unlocks a spouse; it is the freedom of knowing Christ is enough, single or married. Paul even described singleness as a gift that allows undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:7, 32–35).

It also helps to ask honest questions about personal and relational readiness:

• Am I walking with God consistently, or looking for a relationship to fill an emptiness only He can fill?
• Am I able to keep commitments, handle money responsibly and resolve conflict?
• Have I dealt with patterns from past relationships that could repeat?
• Am I dating because I am ready to consider marriage, or because I am lonely or under pressure?

12 Practical Christian Dating Tips

Some of these tips are direct biblical principles; others are applications of biblical wisdom. Each includes a practical step.

1. Put your relationship with Christ first

Jesus said, "Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness" (Matthew 6:33, ESV). A relationship that slowly replaces prayer, church and Scripture is moving in the wrong direction, however good it feels.

Example: If you notice you have stopped attending your small group since you started dating, that is a signal to pay attention to.

Action: Protect regular times for prayer and worship.

2. Be clear about why you want to date

Are you dating to discern marriage, or because everyone else is, or because you are lonely? Being honest with yourself protects both of you.

Action: Write down in one sentence why you want to date right now. If the answer is mainly loneliness or pressure, talk to a trusted friend or pastor first.

3. Choose someone who genuinely shares your Christian faith

Shared faith is more than both people calling themselves Christians. It means a shared allegiance to Christ that shapes decisions, priorities and how you treat each other.

Example: Church attendance alone does not tell you much. Over time, look for whether the person shows a genuine desire to follow Jesus during the week.

Action: Early on, ask, "What does your relationship with God look like day to day?"

4. Look for character, not merely attraction or charisma

Attraction matters, but it is not enough. Charm can hide a great deal. Look for the fruit of the Spirit: "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control" (Galatians 5:22–23, ESV).

Action: After a few dates, ask yourself which of these qualities you have actually seen, not just hoped for.

5. Take time to observe consistent behaviour

Jesus warned His followers to recognise false prophets by their fruits (Matthew 7:15–20). Although He was not teaching about dating, the wider biblical principle is useful: what people consistently do reveals more about their character than what they merely claim. Anyone can be on their best behaviour for a few months.

Action: See the person in different settings: stressed, tired, disappointed, with family, with friends, and when things do not go their way.

6. Discuss important beliefs and values early

Do not wait until you are emotionally attached to find out you disagree on something essential.

Action: As the relationship develops, and before deep commitment, talk about faith, church involvement, children, money, work and family roles. You do not need to settle everything, but you need to know where you each stand.

7. Establish physical and emotional boundaries together

Boundaries are not one person's job. Both of you are responsible before God for honouring each other. (See the boundaries section below.)

Action: Have an honest conversation about boundaries early, before you are in a situation that tests them.

8. Seek wise counsel without surrendering your responsibility

"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice" (Proverbs 12:15, ESV). Parents, pastors and mature friends can often see what you cannot. But in the end, you are responsible before God for your own decision.

Action: Introduce the person to two or three mature believers you trust, and ask them later, "What did you notice?"

9. Pay attention to how the person treats others

How someone treats a waiter, a parent, a younger sibling or a person who cannot benefit them tells you how they are likely to treat you once the excitement fades.

Action: Notice whether their kindness is consistent or selective.

10. Discuss marriage, family and practical expectations as the relationship develops

As the relationship becomes serious, the conversations should become more concrete: where you would live, finances, children, roles, careers, extended family and church.

Action: Use a structured set of questions such as questions to ask before marriage to guide these talks.

11. Do not ignore repeated warning signs or excuse them with spiritual language

Phrases like "God is working on that" or "they're just going through a hard season" can be true, but they can also be used to excuse patterns that should not be ignored.

Action: If a friend you trust is worried, take their concern seriously instead of defending the relationship.

12. Be willing to continue wisely, or end the relationship respectfully

Not every relationship is meant to lead to marriage, and ending one is not a failure. Sometimes it is the most faithful thing you can do.

Action: Decide in advance that you will be honest with yourself and with the other person if the relationship is not right.

What to Look for in a Christian Partner: Green Flags and Red Flags

No one is perfect, so look at patterns rather than isolated incidents:

Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised" (ESV). In its setting, the verse completes the portrait of an excellent wife, but its underlying principle applies to anyone: godly character lasts when charm and appearance fade.

Look for patterns over time. Everyone makes mistakes; one bad day does not define a person. What matters is whether there is honesty, repentance and growth. For a fuller list, see Christian dating red flags.

Christian Dating Boundaries: Physical, Emotional, Time and Digital

Good boundaries protect something precious while you discover whether God is leading you towards marriage. Both partners share responsibility for them.

• Physical boundaries. Decide together, before you are tempted, what physical affection is wise. Avoid situations that make purity harder, such as long periods alone late at night.
• Emotional boundaries. Do not share everything too soon. Deep emotional intimacy belongs to a relationship with deep commitment.
• Time boundaries. A healthy relationship leaves room for God, family, friends, church and work.
• Digital boundaries. Late-night messaging and constant contact can create pressure and false intimacy. Sharing passwords or location is not a requirement for trust, and no one should demand it.

For practical help, see Christian dating boundaries.

How to Seek God's Guidance in Dating Decisions

Many Christians, especially in Pentecostal and charismatic churches, want to hear from God about a relationship. That is right. But God's guidance usually comes through several means working together:

1. Scripture. Does this relationship align with God's revealed commands and principles?
2. Prayer. Are you sincerely seeking wisdom, or only asking God to confirm what you already want?
3. Wise counsel. What do mature believers who know you and the relationship observe?
4. Evidence. What has the person's actual behaviour shown over time?

A sense of peace can be part of God's guidance, but a feeling of peace on its own is not decisive proof of God's will. Feelings can be shaped by hope, fear or attraction. "Test everything; hold fast what is good" (1 Thessalonians 5:21, ESV).

And if someone says, "God told me you will be my spouse," that claim does not obligate you to agree. Another person's claim to have received a message from God does not give them authority to make your marriage decision. Such claims must be tested against Scripture, wisdom, observable character and your own willing agreement. For more, read when someone says "God told me to marry you".

How to Know a Relationship Is Moving Towards Marriage

Signs that a relationship may be heading towards marriage include:

• Shared faith that is visible in daily life, not just on Sundays.
• Demonstrated character that you have seen over time and in difficult moments.
• Healthy communication, including the ability to disagree and resolve conflict respectfully.
• Practical compatibility on money, family, work, children and where you will live.
• Supportive counsel from people who know you both well.
• Mutual willingness to make a lifelong commitment, not one person persuading the other.

If you are wondering about timing, see how long Christians should date before engagement. When you reach that point, premarital preparation is one of the best gifts you can give your future marriage.

When to End a Christian Dating Relationship

It may be time to end a relationship when there is:

• Persistent dishonesty that does not change.
• Incompatible convictions about faith or core values.
• Disrespect for boundaries, especially physical ones.
• Manipulation or control, including spiritual manipulation.
• Fundamental disagreement about marriage, such as whether to have children or how to live out your faith together.

It is important to understand that two sincere Christians can both be good people without being suitable marriage partners. A relationship does not have to involve wrongdoing for it to be unsuitable for marriage. Differences in calling, life direction or expectations may be sufficient reasons to part respectfully. However, repeated manipulation, intimidation or disregard for boundaries should not be dismissed as ordinary relationship difficulties. Ending a relationship does not mean either person has failed God. End it honestly, kindly and clearly, and avoid leaving the other person in uncertainty. If you ever feel unsafe or unable to end a relationship freely, speak to a trusted person outside the relationship.

Christian Dating Advice for Different Situations

Online dating. Dating apps can be a legitimate way to meet other believers. Be honest in your profile, meet in public places, involve friends early, and remember that someone's online presentation is not the same as their character.

Long-distance relationships. Distance makes it harder to observe consistent behaviour. Plan regular visits, meet each other's families and church communities, and do not let video calls replace real knowledge of the person.

Dating after divorce. Christian traditions differ on divorce and remarriage, so it is wise to talk with your pastor about your situation and your church's teaching. Give yourself time to heal and to understand what went wrong before starting a new relationship.

Dating someone from another church tradition. Shared faith in Christ matters most, but differences in worship, doctrine and church life need honest discussion. If one of you is Pentecostal, see Pentecostal dating rules.

Frequently Asked Questions About Christian Dating

Is it okay for Christians to date?

Yes. The Bible does not mention modern dating, but nothing in Scripture forbids getting to know a potential spouse. What matters is how you date: with purity, honesty, wisdom and the purpose of discerning whether marriage is right.

How long should Christians date before engagement?

There is no fixed biblical timeframe. Many pastors encourage couples to date long enough to see each other through different seasons of life before becoming engaged. The goal is to know each other's character well, not to reach a particular number of months. See how long to date before engagement.

Can Christians use dating apps?

Yes, many Christians meet their spouses online. Use wisdom: be honest, take your time, meet in public, involve trusted friends, and judge the person by their consistent character rather than their profile.

What if I'm attracted to a non-believer?

Attraction is not sin, but acting on it by pursuing a relationship towards marriage is unwise for a believer. Scripture calls Christians to marry "only in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39). Be kind and honest, pray for the person, and do not date them in the hope that they will change.

How do I know if they're "the one"?

The Bible does not promise that there is only one possible person for each believer. Instead of searching for a feeling of certainty, look for shared faith, proven character, healthy communication, practical compatibility, wise counsel and mutual commitment. Those are better guides than any single sign.

Can two Christians be spiritually compatible but unsuitable for marriage?

Yes. Two sincere believers can share the same faith and still be unsuitable for each other because of differences in values, life direction, maturity or practical expectations. Recognising this early is wise and loving, not a failure of faith.

How can Christians recognise red flags while dating?

Watch for patterns rather than single incidents: repeated dishonesty, pressure to compromise, refusal to take responsibility, and spiritual language used to control. Ask trusted friends what they notice. See Christian dating red flags for a detailed guide.

Recommended Christian Dating and Marriage Resources

• For discernment while dating: Before You Say Yes is my practical guide to Christian dating, with help on red flags, green flags, boundaries and deciding whether to continue a relationship.
• For couples heading towards engagement: Talk Before You Marry is a Christian premarital preparation resource designed to help couples discuss important questions about faith, communication, family, finances and marriage expectations.
• For a different angle: read another of my articles on Christian dating advice, which looks at the question many people ask first.
• For personal guidance: you can book a conversation with me through Talk to a Pastor.

A Closing Prayer for Wisdom in Relationships

Lord, You know my heart and my desires. Help me to seek You first. Give me wisdom to choose well, patience to go slowly, and courage to be honest. Surround me with wise counsel, and help me to see clearly what is true. Whether I am waiting, dating or preparing for marriage, make me more like Christ. Guide my steps according to Your will. In Jesus' name, Amen.