Before You Say Yes

A practical workbook for single Christians who are dating or about to. Twenty chapters, each with a reflection tool, on knowing yourself before you choose someone, telling attraction from discernment, recognising the red flags Christians spiritualise, setting boundaries without shame, testing "God told me," and knowing when to continue, slow down or walk away — including how to end a relationship safely. Ends at the threshold of engagement, where Talk Before You Marry begins.

Most Christian dating advice can be summarised in two words, and most single Christians have heard them many times. What they have heard much less often is anything practical: how to tell a good person from a right relationship, what to do with a warning sign everyone around you is calling a test of faith, how to raise a hard question without being told you lack trust, and how to say no — to a person, to a pressure, to a fear — before you have said yes to a wedding.

Before You Say Yes is a workbook, not a lecture. Each of its twenty chapters ends with a guided reflection — not a scored test, but a set of questions to answer alone first and then, where the instructions say, together. Five parts take you from before you start dating (why you want a relationship, what "equally yoked" actually means, knowing yourself first), through choosing wisely (attraction versus discernment, character before charisma, red flags and quiet green flags), dating with your eyes open (boundaries, sexual boundaries practically, family, money, the past), discernment ("God told me," who should have a voice, can we build a life together, when good Christians are wrong for each other), to the decision itself: when to continue with wisdom, when to slow down, when to walk away — safely — and what to do with the fear that you will never find anyone else.

The back matter includes a short section on the threshold of engagement, a list of questions to answer before it, a guide to which kind of help fits which kind of problem, and international resources for crisis, abuse and forced-marriage support.

Written by a pastor with more than twenty years of ministry across several countries, in the first person, with Scripture quoted in context and inferences marked as inferences. British spelling; ESV.

PDF, 323 pages, 6×9, printable worksheets. Personal-use licence.