What Does the Bible Say About Dating a Non-Christian?

"A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:39, ESV)

The short answer: Paul tells a Christian widow she may remarry "whom she wishes, only in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39), and many Christians apply that principle to anyone dating with marriage in view. He also warns believers against being "unequally yoked" with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). My counsel is to pursue a relationship with someone who shares your faith in Christ. If you are already dating a non-Christian, the questions below will help you think honestly and decide what to do next.

This is one of the most common questions I hear from Christian singles, and it is rarely abstract. Usually there is a real person behind it: someone kind, funny and attractive, who treats you well and is not a believer. You may feel torn between your faith and your feelings, and unsure whether God's word really applies to your situation.

I want to treat that question with honesty and care. This article gives a short summary of what Scripture teaches, and then focuses on the situation many readers are actually in: already dating someone who is not a Christian.

What the Bible Teaches, in Brief

The Bible does not mention modern dating. But it speaks clearly about marriage, and dating is usually the way towards it.

Marry "only in the Lord." In 1 Corinthians 7:39, Paul directly addresses a widow's remarriage: she is free to remarry, with one condition, "only in the Lord." Christians across many traditions apply that principle more widely, to any believer considering marriage, and so to dating with marriage in view.

Do not be "unequally yoked." In 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul writes, "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers" (ESV). In context, Paul contrasts allegiance to Christ with partnership with idolatry ("What agreement has the temple of God with idols?" verse 16), so the passage is broader than romance. But Christians have long applied its principle to marriage, the closest partnership of all.

For a fuller explanation of what "equally yoked" means, including what the verse does and does not settle, read what does "equally yoked" mean?.

Why It Matters

This is not about thinking you are better than someone who is not a Christian. Many non-Christians are kind, honest and generous. The issue is that marriage joins two lives at the deepest level, and faith in Christ is meant to shape everything in a Christian's life: decisions, money, priorities, how to raise children, where to find hope in suffering, and what life is for.

When one partner's life is centred on Christ and the other's is not, the two will be pulling in different directions on the things that matter most. Many married believers in that situation describe a deep loneliness: they cannot share the most important part of their life with the person they love most.

What About "Missionary Dating"?

"Missionary dating" means dating a non-Christian in the hope that they will come to faith. It is common, and it is usually sincere. But it carries real risks.

• Mixed motives. It is hard for someone to come to Christ freely when your relationship depends on it.
• Your partner deserves freedom. Someone exploring faith should be free to do so without feeling that the relationship depends on their conversion.
• No guarantee. Writing to people who are already married, Paul asks, "For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?" (1 Corinthians 7:16, ESV). We cannot promise anyone's conversion, and it is wiser not to enter a relationship that depends on one.

If you care about someone who is not a Christian, you can pray for them, be honest about your faith, invite them to church, and introduce them to other believers. None of that requires a romantic relationship.

If You Are Already Dating a Non-Christian

You are not the first, and you are not beyond God's grace. What matters now is what you do next. Take time with these questions. Write your answers down, pray over them, and talk them through with a mature Christian you trust.

Questions for discernment

1. When I started this relationship, did I think about my faith, or did I set it aside?
2. Is my relationship with God growing or shrinking since we started dating?
3. Can I talk freely with this person about Jesus, prayer and the Bible?
4. Does this person respect my faith, or do they mock it, resent it or try to change it?
5. Am I compromising convictions I would otherwise keep, such as purity, church attendance or honesty?
6. Am I staying in the relationship mainly because I am afraid of being alone?
7. If my partner never becomes a Christian, what would that mean for our decisions about worship, children, and the commitments I want to keep?
8. How would we raise children, and where would we worship?
9. What do the mature Christians who know me well think about this relationship?
10. If I am honest with God, what do I believe He is asking me to do?

Signs to notice

Some answers point clearly in one direction. If your faith is shrinking, if your partner resents or mocks it, or if you are compromising what you know to be right, those are serious warning signs.

On the other hand, if your partner is genuinely interested in exploring faith, the wise path is usually to step back from the romance and let them explore without pressure. A person's faith needs to be their own, not something they take on to keep a relationship.

If you decide to end it

Ending a relationship with someone you care about is painful. Do it honestly and kindly. Explain that your faith is the centre of your life, and that you want to marry someone who shares it. Avoid blaming or preaching. For practical help, read when should a Christian end a dating relationship?.

Grief afterwards is normal. Give yourself time, lean on Christian friends, and bring your sadness honestly to God. "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23, ESV).

If You Are Already Married to a Non-Christian

This article is about dating, but some readers are already married to someone who does not share their faith. If that is you, Scripture's counsel is different. In 1 Corinthians 7:12–16, Paul says that a spouse's unbelief alone is no reason to leave a marriage when that spouse is willing to stay. He also addresses what happens if the unbelieving spouse chooses to leave: "In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace" (1 Corinthians 7:15, ESV). Peter encourages believing wives that their conduct may win their husbands "without a word" (1 Peter 3:1). Stay faithful, keep praying, and find support in your church.

A difference in faith and a situation involving abuse or threats call for different responses. If you are being harmed or threatened, your safety comes first; see Finding Help Where You Live and speak to someone you trust.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it a sin to date a non-Christian?

The Bible does not use the word "dating," so it does not address this directly. Paul's instruction to marry "only in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39) is about a widow's remarriage, but its principle applies to any believer considering marriage. Because dating is usually the road towards marriage, my counsel is not to begin a romantic relationship with someone who does not share your faith in Christ.

What if they say they will become a Christian?

A profession of faith made to keep a relationship is hard to trust, for you and for them. If they are genuinely interested, encourage them to explore faith for themselves, with other believers, and without the pressure of the relationship. Watch for real change over time.

What if my partner goes to church but I am not sure they believe?

Church attendance is not the same as faith. Gently ask about their relationship with Jesus. The equally yoked article above suggests five areas to look at: conversion, fruit, doctrine, church and direction.

Can I be friends with non-Christians?

Yes. Jesus was known as a friend of sinners (Matthew 11:19), and Christians are called to love their neighbours. Friendship and romance are different, and friendships are a good way to share your faith without the pressures of a romantic relationship.

What if there are no Christians I want to date?

That can be hard, especially in small churches or places with few believers. Keep your convictions, widen your Christian circles, and entrust your future to God, whether or not marriage is part of it. If waiting is weighing on you, read Christian dating after 30.

Going Deeper

• My book Before You Say Yes is a practical guide to Christian dating: red flags, green flags, what "equally yoked" really means, and how to decide whether to continue, slow down or walk away.
• If you would like to talk through your relationship with a pastor, you can book a conversation with me through Talk to a Pastor.

A Prayer for Wisdom in a Relationship

Lord, You know my heart and the person I care about. Give me the courage to be honest with myself and with You. Help me to love this person well, whatever that means. Show me what You are asking of me, and give me strength to do it. Keep my heart, and lead me in Your way. In Jesus' name, Amen.