How to Forgive Someone: Biblical Steps to Heal Deep Wounds [2025 Guide]

Forgiveness stands at the heart of the Christian life, yet it can feel almost impossible when the wounds cut deep. Letting go after being hurt isn’t easy, but Christians are called to forgive—not just for the sake of others, but to honor God and free their own hearts from bitterness. This article addresses the struggle with how to forgive someone who has caused real pain and answers what it looks like to move forward in faith.

You’ll find hope and practical answers rooted in Scripture, guiding you step by step toward real healing. Whether you’re searching for the courage to forgive or want to understand why it's so important for your walk with Christ, you’ll discover tools and encouragement along the way. For deeper insight into the process, explore our guide on How to forgive someone who hurt you for a compassionate perspective grounded in biblical truth.

Understanding Forgiveness from a Christian Perspective

Forgiveness is central to the Christian walk, but understanding what it means—and what it doesn’t—sets the foundation for healing. The Bible provides guidance not only on why forgiveness matters to God but also how it reflects the very heart of Jesus’ teachings. If you’re seeking clarity on how to forgive someone, grasping the spiritual impact of both forgiveness and unforgiveness will bring fresh perspective and hope.

What Forgiveness Is and Isn’t

Forgiveness in Christianity is not the same as excusing or ignoring wrong behavior. It doesn’t mean pretending hurt didn’t happen or allowing ongoing harm. Instead, biblical forgiveness is:

• Letting go of the right to pay back the hurtful act.

• Releasing the offender from your grip of anger and retaliation.

• Trusting God to deal with the injustice in His way and time.

Here’s what forgiveness isn’t:

• It’s not forgetting what happened or denying the pain.

• It’s not always a one-time decision; healing sometimes requires ongoing effort.

• It’s not a guarantee of restored trust or automatic reconciliation. You can forgive while still respecting healthy boundaries. For more on setting safe boundaries after hurt, see our resource on Christian advice on toxic relationships.

Forgiveness is a spiritual choice that brings freedom, even when the emotions are slow to change. The process often begins as an act of obedience, rooted in faith that God understands your pain.

Biblical Examples of Forgiveness

Scripture overflows with stories that reveal how to forgive someone, even in the most painful circumstances. Jesus Himself is the greatest model. From the cross, He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). His example invites us to trust God with our pain, even when forgiveness feels impossible.

Consider Joseph, who was betrayed and sold by his brothers, yet later forgave and blessed them (Genesis 50:15-21). Or Stephen, who prayed for those stoning him, echoing Jesus’ heart of mercy (Acts 7:60). Each story captures hearts because it reveals forgiveness is supernatural—a grace we receive from God and choose to extend.

If you want to see how forgiveness plays out in modern Christian life, read our moving Grace in the shadows forgiveness story for inspiration. Stories like these show that walking the road of forgiveness is tough, but rewarding.

To explore even more on what the Bible teaches, check out this overview on Understanding Biblical Forgiveness: A Path to Healing and Peace.

The Spiritual Impact of Unforgiveness

Carrying unforgiveness can weigh you down spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. Jesus taught His followers to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Refusing to forgive blocks intimacy with God and hinders spiritual growth.

The lingering effects of bitterness can show up as:

• Anxiety, stress, or a sense of heaviness in your heart.

• Disrupted relationships and a loss of peace.

• Difficulty experiencing God’s love and joy.

Scripture warns that clinging to resentment gives the enemy a foothold (Ephesians 4:26-27). When you forgive, you break this chain and experience deeper freedom. Forgiveness is not condoning the offense; it is choosing to place justice in God’s hands and trust Him with the outcome. This unlocks the peace Jesus promises to every believer.

For more biblical insight, read how God's forgiveness sets the pattern for every relationship, reminding us why true forgiveness is at the core of Christian living.

Personal Preparation: Getting Ready to Forgive

Forgiving someone who hurt you takes genuine inner preparation. You can’t rush past your pain or offer shallow words and expect deep wounds to fully heal. True forgiveness begins inside—through honest self-examination, prayer for God’s help, and letting yourself move through grief. These steps are more than just “prep work.” They’re acts of faith that get your heart ready to experience God’s healing power.

Recognizing Emotional Wounds

Facing emotional pain with honesty is the first step toward forgiveness. Ignoring what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt will hold you back. God invites you to bring your wounds into the light, not hide them away.

• Acknowledge the hurt: Give yourself permission to name the feelings—anger, betrayal, disappointment, fear. Don’t minimize or excuse them.

• Reflect with God: Ask Him to show what’s beneath your surface reactions. Sometimes anger masks deeper pain or loss.

• Look inward: Honest self-examination—without self-condemnation—opens the door to clarity and healing.

Self-reflection can feel overwhelming, but it’s a biblical step to freedom. If you want practical guidance on setting aside time for reflection and prayer, explore our resource on Bible-Based Decision Making Frameworks. Deep self-examination gives you a mirror for your soul and helps you find peace, even when forgiveness feels hard.

Praying for Strength and Wisdom

Forgiving isn’t just a mental exercise; it’s a spiritual act that needs God’s help. No one has enough strength on their own to forgive deep offenses. Prayer invites God into your pain and opens you to His comfort and wisdom.

• Ask for God’s perspective: Praying honestly about your struggle allows God to shape your heart and rewrite your story.

• Seek strength beyond yourself: Tell God where you feel weak, and trust Him for the courage to respond in a Christlike way.

• Pray for wisdom: Sometimes the next right step isn’t clear. Ask God to guide your healing, reveal any blind spots, and show you when to act or wait.

Prayer also keeps your focus on God’s love, not just your pain. Want to go deeper in connecting with God during tough seasons? Learn how to deepen your prayer life so you can hear His voice and gain new strength for the forgiveness journey.

Allowing Yourself to Grieve

Before you try to move on, let yourself grieve the wrong that was done to you. Grieving honors your pain and recognizes that real losses deserve real mourning.

• Give space for sadness: It’s normal to feel sorrow, disappointment, or even longing for “what could have been.”

• Be patient with the process: Grief isn’t linear, and it can rise up unexpectedly. Give yourself grace as you process.

• Invite God into your grief: Scripture says God is “near to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18). Your tears matter to Him, and He brings comfort right in the middle of your mourning.

Allowing yourself to grieve doesn’t mean you’re holding onto bitterness. It’s a step toward true release and healing. Naming your losses lets you give them to God, which is the gateway to freedom as you consider how to forgive someone who has wounded you deeply.

By moving through honest recognition of your wounds, inviting God’s strength in prayer, and allowing grief its place, your heart gets ready for the real work of forgiveness. This foundation makes genuine healing possible—one faithful step at a time.

How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You Deeply: Practical Steps

Forgiving someone who has wounded you to your core requires far more than a simple “I forgive you.” It’s an intentional, daily choice backed by concrete steps and deep reliance on God’s grace. While the journey is unique for every believer, there are tried and true practices that help you truly release hurt and find freedom. The process involves letting go of internal burdens, setting boundaries thoughtfully, and trading bitterness for compassion. Here’s how you can put these steps into practice.

Letting Go of Resentment

Resentment is like carrying a sack of heavy rocks—it drags you down and keeps you chained to the past. Forgiving someone starts with a decision to stop reliving the hurt and to refuse anger the power to shape your days. This often takes time and persistent choice.

Practical ways to release resentment:

• Acknowledge the pain: Don’t bury what happened. Take your honest feelings to God in prayer. He already knows.

• Make a daily choice: Forgiveness is sometimes a decision you reaffirm every day, especially in the early stages.

• Replace replaying the wrong: When you catch yourself replaying the incident, pause, and intentionally pray for the strength to let it go.

• Express in writing: Journaling your pain and prayers can be a helpful release, putting distance between the wound and your everyday thoughts.

• Ask God to carry the weight: Remember, you don’t have to carry this alone. Jesus invites you to hand over your burdens.

Research suggests that even small steps, like acknowledging the hurt and making a conscious decision to release it, can bring tangible freedom. For more science-based strategies for releasing resentment, check out six ways to deal with someone who wronged you.

Letting go of resentment does not dismiss the wrong. It releases your grip on bitterness, giving space for God’s healing to work in your heart.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Forgiveness and boundaries go hand in hand. Forgiving does not mean giving someone unlimited access to your life, especially if they haven’t changed hurtful patterns or shown true remorse. Healthy boundaries protect your heart and honor who God made you to be.

Healthy boundaries might look like:

• Limiting contact: Especially if the person continues to be unsafe or toxic.

• Communicating your needs: Being honest about what you can and cannot handle as you heal.

• Seeking accountability: Involving trusted friends or pastoral care for support.

• Protecting your peace: Giving yourself permission to take a step back if being around the person triggers old wounds.

Jesus Himself set boundaries, sometimes withdrawing from crowds or refusing to argue with those unwilling to listen. Establishing boundaries is not unkind or unforgiving—it’s a step of wisdom and, at times, self-preservation.

If you’re wrestling with what healthy boundaries look like after a serious hurt, visit our post on how to forgive someone who hurt you for biblical wisdom and practical examples from Christian counselors.

Replacing Negative Thoughts with Grace

Negative thoughts can replay in your mind long after the event. The inner voice that reminds you of the offense or labels you as forever wounded fuels bitterness and hinders true forgiveness. The good news is you can retrain your mind to respond with grace instead of anger.

Steps to replace negative thoughts:

1. Catch the critical thought: Notice when your mind drifts into negativity or judgment about the person.

2. Choose a new response: Pray for God to give you compassion, even if it starts small. You might pray, “Lord, help me see them as You do.”

3. Speak blessings, not curses: Scripture calls us to “bless those who persecute you” (Romans 12:14). Practice speaking kindness in prayer or, when appropriate, in person.

4. Fill your mind with truth: Read Scriptures about forgiveness, mercy, and your identity in Christ. These anchor your heart in God’s love rather than the pain.

5. Refocus your energy: Invest in things that bring you peace and joy, whether it’s serving others, creative work, or time in nature.

Mind renewal is a gradual process but transforms the way you view the person and yourself. For more actionable forgiveness ideas, review 8 tips for forgiving someone who hurt you from mental health experts.

True forgiveness isn’t about pretending you weren’t hurt. It’s a spiritual act that opens the door to God’s healing and allows you to walk forward with lighter steps and a more spacious heart. Practicing these steps can help you break free from past pain and trust God for restoration, one choice at a time.

Overcoming Common Challenges in Forgiveness

Moving forward with forgiveness often brings its own set of challenges. Even when you want to let go of pain, certain struggles can hold you back. Unspoken wounds linger, reconciliation might not be possible, and sometimes the person who hurt you doesn’t show any remorse. Each of these can make the journey feel overwhelming. The good news is that there are practical ways for Christians to stay the course, even when forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply seems impossible.

Dealing with Lingering Pain

Hurt doesn’t always disappear after you say “I forgive you.” Emotional pain can echo for weeks, months, or even years after the event. You may replay conversations in your mind or feel fresh waves of grief without warning. Here’s how you can face lingering pain with faith:

• Allow pain its rightful place: Don’t rush yourself. Healing isn’t a race. Recognize that some wounds take time to mend.

• Bring your heart to God daily: Share your honest struggles in prayer. King David modeled this in the Psalms by turning pain into honest conversations with God.

• Surround yourself with support: Reach out to friends, a pastor, or a counselor who understands both your faith and your pain.

Embracing the truth that pain can be a teacher, not just a tormentor, helps you uncover deeper dependence on God. When negative thoughts resurface, shift your perspective with the mindset explored in Turning trials into triumphs: overcoming negative thoughts. Training your mind this way can move your focus from the wound to the possibility of growth and renewal.

Forgiving Without Reconciliation

Sometimes the healthiest step is to forgive while maintaining distance. Reconciliation isn’t always possible or wise, especially in cases of ongoing harm or when trust has been deeply broken. Forgiveness, at its core, is your personal act before God, not the restoration of the relationship.

Ways to practice forgiveness without reconciliation:

• Release the offender to God: Let go of your need for them to admit wrong or apologize.

• Set clear boundaries: Protect your peace and well-being (for practical tips, see guidance on building trust in Christian relationships).

• Continue praying for the other person: Prayer aligns your heart with God’s love, even if the person doesn’t reenter your life.

Remember, forgiveness does not mean erasing boundaries or returning to harmful situations. As Uncovering the Obstacles to Forgiveness points out, forgiveness and accountability can coexist. Let your peace anchor you as you move forward.

Handling Unrepentant Offenders

One of the hardest scenarios is forgiving someone who shows no remorse. When the offender refuses to apologize or change, it can feel unjust to release your pain. Still, Jesus calls His followers to extend forgiveness regardless of the other person’s response.

How to approach forgiveness when the person is unrepentant:

• Shift your focus: Forgiveness is more about your response before God than about the offender’s actions.

• Trust God with justice: Scripture reassures us that God sees every injustice and cares for the wounded.

• Free yourself from ongoing resentment: Holding onto bitterness hurts you more than the other person. As The Poison of Unforgiveness explains, unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.

Choose to set your heart free, even when it feels undeserved. It’s a profound gift you give yourself. Christians have the assurance that God is both merciful and just, holding every person accountable. Your act of forgiveness is a step toward healing and spiritual maturity.

Each challenge on the path to forgiveness asks you to dig deep, hold to God’s promises, and release control over outcomes. Keep choosing the act of forgiveness, even when it feels hard, knowing that each step plants seeds for peace and spiritual growth.

Living Out Forgiveness Daily

Living out forgiveness is more than a one-time act—it's a posture we take every day as followers of Christ. Practicing daily forgiveness is both freeing and challenging, especially when old wounds resurface or new hurts catch us off guard. Bringing forgiveness into the fabric of your daily life lets you reflect the love Christ first showed you. It also opens the door to deeper peace, healthier relationships, and spiritual growth rooted in grace.

Forgiveness as a Process

Forgiveness isn’t a single decision but a journey you walk with God. Some days, choosing to forgive feels almost natural. Other days, the pain flares back up and you need to give your hurt to God all over again. This process asks you to surrender your right to hold a grudge—even when the world insists you shouldn't.

Choosing daily forgiveness looks like:

• Recognizing lingering pain and bringing it back to prayer.

• Letting go of bitterness each time it tries to settle in your thoughts.

• Reminding yourself that forgiveness is for your freedom, not just the other person.

It’s helpful to remember that God’s command to forgive is meant for your restoration. As you keep at it, the act of forgiving becomes a spiritual habit—one that shapes your heart after Christ’s. To see real-life examples of continual forgiveness and gain encouragement, read about cultivating a lifestyle of continual forgiveness and discover how to let grace guide your daily choices.

Seeking Support from the Christian Community

Trying to forgive alone can leave you feeling overwhelmed. God created the church so Christians could walk through life’s challenges together—including the struggle to forgive when it feels daunting. Accountability, empathy, and practical support from other believers can make all the difference.

Ways your Christian community can help:

• Prayer partners: Share your struggle in prayer and let others encourage you.

• Listening ears: Sometimes just talking it out with a trusted friend relieves the pressure.

• Accountability: Let someone check in with you and point you back to God’s truth when anger resurfaces.

Being part of a supportive faith community helps you keep forgiveness central, even when it’s difficult. The journey becomes lighter when carried together. For more on how forgiveness plays a role in relationships, especially those closest to us, explore this resource on forgiveness in Christian relationships.

Reflecting Christ's Love to Others

When you make forgiveness a daily habit, your life begins to reflect Jesus more clearly. People notice when you respond to hurt and injustice with grace instead of retaliation. Living out forgiveness isn’t just for your own benefit—it becomes a powerful way to show others what God’s love is like.

You reflect Christ’s love when you:

• Offer kindness to those who have wronged you instead of retaliation.

• Speak with gentleness, even when you’ve been misunderstood.

• Release others from your expectations that they must “make it right” before you can be kind.

This witness has lasting impact, showing your family, friends, and even strangers how the gospel transforms the hardest places of the heart. Practicing forgiveness daily also reminds you of your own need for grace, keeping you humble and dependent on God.

Growing in this grace is a lifelong pursuit, woven into every relationship and season. For encouragement on letting forgiveness shape your life and relationships, consider these thoughts on living in a constant state of forgiveness.

Let forgiveness become your daily language, not just a once-in-awhile decision. Doing so allows Christ’s love to flow through you—bringing hope, restoration, and a peace that draws others closer to Him.

Conclusion

Choosing to walk in forgiveness is one of the most freeing acts a Christian can take. Letting go of resentment, setting wise boundaries, and filling your thoughts with grace move you toward true healing. The Bible teaches that when you forgive, you mirror the mercy Jesus has extended to you and break the grip of bitterness on your heart.

Learning how to forgive someone restores your peace, deepens your faith, and brings you closer to Christ’s heart. For further guidance on this transformative process, consider reading about the Forgiveness and Healing Journey.

Invite God to meet you in every step, whether you’re still processing deep hurt or walking out daily forgiveness. Pause now to ask for His strength, or reflect quietly on who you may need to release. Forgiveness frees not only the one who hurt you, but also your own soul to grow in love and hope.